What is that phobia called? When you’re scared to death that your mom will…well, die. You’re scared that she’ll drop to the floor at the most unexpected moment.
Whatever this phobia is called, I’ve been experiencing it pierce through my mind ever so often for the last few years. I find myself sobbing during class because I would suddenly have a gut-wringing sensation called Worry.
Today, my mom walked into my room at around 5pm, inquiring my desire for a driving lesson. She said she had time to spare, since our family was planning to eat out tonight. I said, “Yes Mom, yes of course.” I told my friend on AIM that I was going out for a drive, so he told me to be safe. I gave a quick “kk” and left the house.
Now I sit here with a mild headache. It’s not from getting my face bashed into the steering wheel. It’s from the overwhelming reruns of Regret. I replay the moment, over and over and over again.
I could have slowed down…
I could have breaked faster…
I could have spared the car…
What have I done?
I could have slowed down…
I could have breaked faster…
I could have spared the car…
Why did she ask?
I could have slowed down…
I could have breaked faster…
I could have spared the car…
What if she died?
What if she died?
What if she broke her leg?
What if she died?
What if she fell into a coma?
What if she died?
What if she died?
What if she died?
What if she died?
What if she died?
What if she died?
WHAT IF SHE DIED?
I wouldn’t know because she didn’t.
But it doesn’t change the fact that I’m still going to fear her death until she really dies.
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I did not think another person would think the same thoughts that I do. It's so sad to think about the death of your parents. So sad...
ReplyDeleteActually I think it's pretty common to worry about your parents dying. This might sound obvious, but our parents are the only people you've known your whole life. As we become more conscious of death, you think back on the people you've known your whole life, and it comes to a shock that those people will die one day. And it's more shocking when you realize that those people are your parents.
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